What is Toilet Seat?
Most of
the time men are not aware of their female partner’s sexual needs. Just like how men use the toilet seats to
dump their waste.
Women are
also being used as toilet seats. This is explained by Latha in her book Toilet
seat. This was first written in English. Then after a year, this has been
translated into Tamil in the name of Kalivarai Irukkai.
Men
More Interested in Sex?
In case
you are thinking that I am writing this type of article. So that I will get
more views on my page. Then this blog post is not for you.
You can
check out the other interesting blog post on my site instead. And if you are someone who thinks that
speaking about sex in public is wrong, then this blog post is not for you too.
So, you
can skip this blog post and check out the other blog on my site instead. This
blog post is special for people who have been taught that sex is taboo since
their childhood.
But, once
a person gets married or gets a life partner, sex becomes a vital aspect. This
post is for people who lack awareness about sex. And for those who think that
proper understanding of sexual needs is a must.
Why should
we talk about sex? Not talking about it is good, right? What is the problem with
keeping it a secret?
In case
you have all these questions, let me tell you that sex is a universal need.
Osho has given a beautiful example of this.
In case
you tie a cloth around all the trees. Then people will be curious to see how
the tree looks if the cloth is taken off.
We will be
eager to see what’s hidden inside the cloth. But, if there is no cloth around
the tree. We won’t even notice it. In the same way, stereotyping is based on
gender.
And keeping
things hidden, creates a curiosity. Which can often lead to misunderstanding of
a certain topic.
What will
we think if people swear at us using common words? It creates an impression
that the words people use to swear are actually bad.
If we keep
using male and female body parts as swear words. It might create a natural
aversion towards those body parts during sex.
As a
result of body shaming, people don’t have a positive image of their bodies. If we start hating our bodies, how will we
share them with our partners?
When we
are not comfortable with sharing our bodies, how will we enjoy sex? If we can’t
enjoy sex, then how can have successful married life?
We have
been taught that talking about sex and private body parts is taboo. So, we often feel shy to open up about this
to others and to our partners. We start hating our body parts and develop an
aversion.
If we can’t
open up about sex to our partners how can we enjoy the process? How can we be
comfortable?
If we can’t
be comfortable and enjoy this important part of our life. How will our marriage be successful?
We have
been taught about basic human needs since our childhood. They are food, clothing, and shelter. But Latha
says…
Before the
need for food, clothing, and shelter. The most basic need of humans is sex. We see that in animals too. Animals and other
creatures do not need shelter or clothes.
Sex is
their most important need. We are also
an important part of the animal kingdom. Though the percentage of the human
population is small, sex is our basic need too.
When was
this need suppressed? Also, such suppression is not natural, Right? We have all
come across playboy jokes which revolve around a guy being lucky to have sex with
multiple women.
Often a
man’s masculinity is wrongly linked to a man’s ability to have sex. If he
messes up, he’s teased a lot.
But the
research that I am going to talk about will clear all your misconceptions about
masculinity. 2 out of 3 women often fake an orgasm. And they don’t really get high.
Almost 72
percent of women say that sexual intercourse with their partners doesn’t give
them complete satisfaction. Then, what makes the male partners feel that they
are perfect in sex?
Men do
have sex. But, do they really satisfy their female partners? If almost 72
percent of women are unsatisfied then how can men show off that they are good
in bed?
How
can they say that they are perfect in sex?
Having sex
without knowing if the female partner is satisfied is definitely not a match. Is
sexual satisfaction the right indicator of masculinity?
What
is the need of women to fake an orgasm?
They can
express displeasure if they don’t like it or if they are not satisfied.
Research says that if women are not satisfied during sexual intercourse.
They don’t
generally say that to their partners for various reasons. The first reason is to
not disappoint their boyfriend or partner. And to not hurt their male ego.
On the
other hand, if a female partner says that she is not satisfied. The male
partner might start doubting her and ask her if any other man had satisfied her
before him.
Or the
thought that she might go to other men for sexual need might start bothering
him. The fear that the male partners
might become insecure also makes the women hold back.
In a married
life women tend to fake an orgasm instead of putting up with something
that they don’t like. If they fake an orgasm.
The male partner might think that he has
satisfied his wife and finished the intercourse. And won’t disturb the wife
again.
On one
side men are not aware of the sexual needs of a woman. The reason women are too
shy to open up about this. Is the social conditioning that women who open up
about this are bad?
The first
advice given to women by elders during the marriage is to behave as the husband
likes and satisfy him.
Then
what about a woman’s satisfaction?
Shouldn’t
the husband behave as the wife wants him to? The women are not taught about
prioritizing their own needs and preferences in a marriage.
Objectifying
women and showing them as sexually attractive beings is quite common in adult
films and posters. If men can fantasize about women. Then why can’t women open
up about their sexual needs?
The most
common complaint by married men is that. When they call their wife for being intimate
and having sex. The women don’t respond at all.
Sexual
intercourse and intimacy happen very rarely after a lot of pleading. One of the
reasons might be a lack of interest in being sexually intimate with the husband.
They might
have developed an aversion towards intimacy. Because sexual intimacy is not
happening in the way they want it.
The men
who question why women aren’t satisfied and often fake it needs to know this.
The men who feel that their sexual needs are not met by their partners need to
know this.
The
husband and wife should be sexually and emotionally happy in a marriage. Otherwise, it will lead to huge problems within and outside of the marriage.
Because
this is also like hunger. If our hunger is not satisfied then we will be
constantly thinking about that. Just like how we think about food when we are
hungry.
If the sexual
need is not satisfied, then a person’s thoughts will always revolve around
that. Irrespective of whether it’s a man or a woman.
In general,
we are not 100 percent in agreement with another person’s thoughts or opinions.
There will be a lot of disagreements.
Similarly,
this book toilet seat covers topics, which we might not completely agree with.
On other hand, you might feel that certain points are difficult to accept but
very valid.
The book
says that the concept of marriage eventually paved the way for extramarital
affairs too. So, the author’s views on extra-marital affairs are also there in
this book.
This book
is available in English as well as in Tamil. If you want this book in English
it’s Toilet Seat. In Tamil it’s Kalivarai Irrukai.
